I'd like to tell you about one person.
His name is Cass Mann - it's not his birth name but it's the name everyone knew him by. He was my oldest brother but I didn't know him that well as he was exiled by the family when I was a child partially on account of his homosexuality and partially because he lost the trust and desire to keep in contact with a family that treated him badly when he was young. Sure some people changed and some people grew but to get back in contact set a cycle of bad memories that he preferred to not live with - so he self isolated.
In 1985 he tested positive for HIV - one of the first people to do so - and as a result was hit by some of the worst counselling that was ever given on the NHS. They essentially advised him to prepare for imminent death. Then they broadcast the infamous tombstone advert on television with the 'Don't Die of Ignorance' slogan yet at this time the link between HIV and AIDS was not scientifically proven so he initially campaigned for people not to test until the NHS could fix the way that people are helped and the advice given to people was more in line with accepted science. He wrote a chapter of a book with his essay "Deadly Counsels - The Necrophiliacs of AIDS" on this. I haven't yet located this story although I'm looking for it (if anyone has a copy please message me).
He also set up the charity "Positively Healthy" which encouraged HIV positive gay men to live healthy lifestyles to encourage the body's natural defences and positive spirit to find better health. He lived as an example - he exercised regularly, he only ate organic vegetarian food for over twenty years, he was strongly anti drugs and alcohol (he campaigned for poppers to be made illegal). He lived in excellent health until 2008 when AIDS finally took hold and things quickly deteriorated. He then finally started on the medicines and his health recovered and he reported that he was back to full health.
At this point he made contact with the family although many of his messages were far from friendly. I was never quite sure if it was meant as a parting shot or a call for help. Perhaps there was some unsaid truth in what he said but it was tinged in anger and sadness which continued to demonstrate and deepen his isolation.
For me I never quite knew what to say to him. With a common father we had some things in common but he was the eldest in the family and was almost three decades my senior. A lot of bad things happened to him when he was a teenager and I find it hard to fully conceptualise that I'm associated with family events that happened long before I was born so perhaps I don't fully understand the fighting.
Anyway, last April he died in hospital. That's all I know - I presume it was an illness related to AIDS. For three months police and social services tried to locate his next of kin and eventually a cousin contacted the police last Saturday to say there had been no contact for a few months and this set the ball rolling and within hours the family were informed of his death. Although the family are dispersed around the world the news spread very fast and I had overlapping phone calls from the US and the UK. My sister (the second oldest) in Tupelo, MS was the most distressed and is upset now that she couldn't attend the funeral because her passport had expired. My mother refused to attend the funeral as she is still upset about some letters that were sent a couple of years ago and this left the second oldest sister as the only representative from my side of the family. In addition a few cousins will attend but overall it will be a poorly attended service.
For me that's the saddest part. He spent his life helping people who other people didn't really want to help and in a way that other people weren't helping. He dedicated his life to his work perhaps a bit over-focussed to the loss of family relations but has was clearly dedicated and passionate to a cause he both believed in and lived by.
One things can be taken from this by everyone. Here was a man who was hurt and who dedicated his entire life to prevent people in a similar situation from being hurt. He lived as an activist and died in silence. He didn't want to be noticed when things weren't so well, he didn't want to be seen as being weak. He didn't want to be a martyr. He wanted people to see that after almost 30 years of living with HIV/AIDS he was fighting fit and able.
Sure, I wish things were different but it's too late now.
Rest In Peace brother.
[I wrote this during his funeral as I could not attend due to distance]
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